I have a confession, friends. It's a tough one, but here goes:
Despite what you might think, I am not, in fact, a master gardener.
I know, you're shocked.
You assumed the fact that my toddler son runs wild through the yard with one missing shoe and a streak of cottage cheese in his hair while my dirty laundry pile threatens to dust the cobwebs hanging from my closet ceiling must mean that I am otherwise occupied in some meaningful endeavor.
And you may be right. But gardening, friends, is no such endeavor.
This is me last year: the proud, albeit naive new owner of my very own vegetable garden. It was a very thoughtful birthday gift from my well-meaning husband.
Can you see the determination in my eyes? The conviction in my swagger? The grit in my teeth? It's there somewhere, presumably hidden under the wide-brimmed hat flopped jauntily to one side and the classically cool Ray LaMontagne t-shirt.
Please also note the suspiciously clean wellies and the gloves draped casually from my pocket.
Gardening? Oh yeah, I got this.
Flash forward two months to me standing in a shriveled, drought-stricken pest metropolis where the only things thriving are grass, weeds, and some seriously determined lettuce that's taller than I am and refuses to give in (Apparently lettuce will grow forever if you forget to pick it. Who knew?).
Alas, I am no gardening expert. I have, however, decided to give the whole gardening thing another shot.
But this time, I'm calling in the big guns: This guy on YouTube.
I admit, when it came time to plant again this year, I googled "how to plant tomatoes." This guy popped up, and I decided to give his advice a shot.
I'm sharing it here with you in hopes that all you will remember from this post is that I am a genius and you're going to recommend me to all your friends in the future.
So here goes.
How to grow stronger, more fruitful tomato plants:
1. While the plant is still in the container, turn it on its side for a day or two. It'll grow up toward the sun and develop a natural bend in the stem.
2. Trim off the extra branches beneath where the plant begins to bend upward.
3. Dig a trench and lay the plant in sideways. Bury the stem all the way up to where it bends. This will give the plant a stronger root system and allow it to absorb more nutrients (or so I've been told).
I chose to cover mine with a little extra vegetable potting soil (which I also mixed into the trench, but forgot to photograph) and then topped them off with some extra plant food.
My beds ended up looking like a tomato cemetery, which does not bode particularly well for this year's crop...
That's it. Easy enough, right? I mean, honestly, the tomato basically does all the work for you, which makes it my kind of plant.
Now if I could just figure out how to grow self-trimming lettuce, I'll be all set!
Happy planting!
