A Tomato Planting Tip For the Gardening-Impaired

I have a confession, friends. It's a tough one, but here goes:

Despite what you might think, I am not, in fact, a master gardener. 

I know, you're shocked.

You assumed the fact that my toddler son runs wild through the yard with one missing shoe and a streak of cottage cheese in his hair while my dirty laundry pile threatens to dust the cobwebs hanging from my closet ceiling must mean that I am otherwise occupied in some meaningful endeavor. 

And you may be right. But gardening, friends, is no such endeavor.

This is me last year: the proud, albeit naive new owner of my very own vegetable garden. It was a very thoughtful birthday gift from my well-meaning husband. 

Can you see the determination in my eyes? The conviction in my swagger? The grit in my teeth? It's there somewhere, presumably hidden under the wide-brimmed hat flopped jauntily to one side and the classically cool Ray LaMontagne t-shirt. 

Please also note the suspiciously clean wellies and the gloves draped casually from my pocket. 

Gardening? Oh yeah, I got this. 

Flash forward two months to me standing in a shriveled, drought-stricken pest metropolis where the only things thriving are grass, weeds, and some seriously determined lettuce that's taller than I am and refuses to give in (Apparently lettuce will grow forever if you forget to pick it. Who knew?).

Alas, I am no gardening expert. I have, however, decided to give the whole gardening thing another shot. 

But this time, I'm calling in the big guns: This guy on YouTube.

I admit, when it came time to plant again this year, I googled "how to plant tomatoes." This guy popped up, and I decided to give his advice a shot. 

I'm sharing it here with you in hopes that all you will remember from this post is that I am a genius and you're going to recommend me to all your friends in the future. 

So here goes.

How to grow stronger, more fruitful tomato plants:

1. While the plant is still in the container, turn it on its side for a day or two. It'll grow up toward the sun and develop a natural bend in the stem.

2. Trim off the extra branches beneath where the plant begins to bend upward.

3. Dig a trench and lay the plant in sideways. Bury the stem all the way up to where it bends. This will give the plant a stronger root system and allow it to absorb more nutrients (or so I've been told).

I chose to cover mine with a little extra vegetable potting soil (which I also mixed into the trench, but forgot to photograph) and then topped them off with some extra plant food.

 My beds ended up looking like a tomato cemetery, which does not bode particularly well for this year's crop...

That's it. Easy enough, right? I mean, honestly, the tomato basically does all the work for you, which makes it my kind of plant. 

Now if I could just figure out how to grow self-trimming lettuce, I'll be all set!

Happy planting! 

DIY Patio Herb Garden

Welcome back!

We're still in the throes of our patio makeover, but I thought I'd take a break to show you the compact herb garden I threw together for our patio table. 

But first, a story.

This past weekend, Justin volunteered to take Buggy Boy for an entire day so my mom and I could attend an antique festival without the pressure of nap time and toddler-boredom-destruction mode.

It was supposed to rain later in the day, so we hightailed it out of here at 7:30 in the morning headed east, high on caffein and freedom.

While there, I spotted this little piece of rusted gorgeousness for $12, and the completely unjustified wave of I-love-it-so-everyone-else-must-love-it-I-gotta-get-it-first panic crashed over me (You know the feeling). I sent my mom out to hunt down the man who owned the booth so I could snag it before anyone else. I stood guard, staring squinty-eyed at anyone who came suspiciously close to my precious.

Fortunately, I was not the only crazy person there. Another woman stood next to me guarding a set of square washtubs while her poor, desperate husband searched for the very same absent booth owner (He's lucky we're so honest, by the way).

After a few short minutes, she declared her husband a failure and waved him and their young son over to take up her post.

Eventually, the booth owner was located, several yards away on the other side of the street. While his mother waited in line to speak with the vendor, the boy next to me looked up at his father with utter disgust and let out a loud, "Ewwww!"

Then he bellowed to his mother across the street, "MOM, DAD MADE A STENCH!"

Just about everyone in a seven mile radius heard, and much like myself, stared politely at the ground trying not to laugh while the boy's father turned twelve shades of red and clamped his hand over his son's mouth. 

I personally counted my blessings that I have my own goofy, unpredictable boy to love. And even better, that he was at home.

This vintage chicken feeder is the perfect size for my patio table (which is in the process of being stained). I just loaded it up with some gravel for good drainage, a little vegetable garden potting soil, and a mess of my favorite herbs. 

It smells heavenly, which may be useful if if you happen to have an overly-observant boy on your hands... 

DIY Outdoor Sectional Update: Done!

Well, it took a lot of work, patience, and babysitting by Curious George to get it done, but here it is!

I know it was crazy to get white cushions for outdoor furniture, especially with a toddler, a dog and my own flock of this kind of chicken. But when I missed the sale deadline on some other cushions I had picked out, the budget and I had a nice long sit down about the whole thing. 

I was all, "Let's get these pretty blue cushions that hide muddy paw prints and popsicle goo." And the budget was all, "Sure! You can get enough to cover half of this ginormous monstrosity you've built. Which side do you want?"

We hashed it out, and I've agreed accept a little goo in my life. Plus, the cushion covers are removable, washable, and bleachable. And if all else fails, I've been dying to try fabric spray paint...

A little chippy paint glamour shot for you. Gorgeous, no?

The rest of the porch is still very much a work in progress, so please excuse the broom. And pardon Sully in the background. He's waiting patiently for me to finish up so he can snag the first nap.

After he wipes his paws, of course...

Not That Kind of Chicken

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking: What in the world are you doing? You have a full time job, a husband, and a toddler to look after! Not to mention a monster fixer-upper house, a 100 lb dog who has made it his mission in life to destroy your living room carpet (But seriously? This dog would have muddy paws in a drought), and a million other things to take care of. This is the worst possible idea.

You're all: Chickens are smelly, messy, and time-consuming. You're gonna regret this. Trust me.

But you're wrong.

You see, these aren't that kind of chicken.

These are the kind of chicken that wander cheerfully around in the backyard, doing odd, chicken-y things to amuse me while I lounge on the sunporch sipping wine margaritas lemonade and flipping through magazines.

These are the kind of chickens whose poop doesn't smell, and who only need to be fed when the weather's nice and I don't have anything better to do. And they prefer to survive solely on uneaten Dora shaped fish sticks and apples with a single bite taken out covered in dog hair.

These are the kind of chickens who greet me with a smile and a casual, "There ya go," when I come to collect their perfectly brown, spotless eggs.

Then they come clucking in through the open back door to observe (without pooping on the otherwise spotless floor) while I effortlessly whip up homemade ice cream and lemon curd in my suspiciously clean Williams-Sonoma apron.

These are that kind of chicken.

I'm sure of it.

A Patio Update and the Three Greatest Words in the English Language

It's been slow going around here, and the sun porch still isn't done, but we're determined to finish this thing by Memorial Day Labor Day Christmas.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share a quick update on the outdoor sectional Justin is building. 

Here she is, in all her chippy glory. The world's largest, most complicated piece of diy furniture ever built.

The vintage blue, green and yellow beadboard came from Refab in St. Louis, our favorite salvage shop. It adds so much character to the newly built sectional, and I'm completely smitten with the colors. 

Funny story about this glorious, chippy beadboard.

See this man, here? The one cheerfully hammering thousand year old tongue and groove boards into their destiny? The man kneeling before the glory of perfectly patina-ed boards quietly contemplating their casual, sophisticated beauty?

This is the man who thought it was all a BAD IDEA! Can you even believe it?



I saw it there in the Refab parking lot, heaped in a pile under a sad, droopy tarp billowing in the wind and beckoning me hither. I knew it had to be mine.

In the meantime, Justin stood nearby hemming and hawing over the whole thing. He was all, "Yeaaaah. Are we sure this is really what we want? It's in pretty rough shape, and it's so... colorful. Don't you think it's maybe... too much?"

And I was all, "Sold! Load it up!"

So imagine my surprise this evening when he finished facing the first side of the sectional with this gorgeousness, and the words "You were right, this looks awesome!" actually escaped his mouth. 

 

You. Were. Right. Are there any three finer words in the English language? 

I think not.

Check back soon for more updates (or if a miracle befalls us, the big reveal)!

PSA: Just Say No to Outdoor Carpet

Disclaimer: This post has absolutely zero pretty "after" pictures. These are all befores, folks.

In the name of anonymity, I've tried to keep some details of my life a secret here. Granted, I've literally shown you the inside of my bedroom, dirty laundry and all, but I'd really hate for that one reader I have in Belgium to know every little detail of my personal life. Discretion, people.

Anyway, for those of you who may not know, I happen to have a day job that rhymes with spinglish beacher, from which I get an entire week off during spring break (My spellcheck just had a stroke). This year, I managed to convince Justin to take the week off with me. I wooed him with visions of trips to the zoo with Buggy Boy on bright, sunny days and afternoons spent sipping beer on the golf course. 

Enter reality. The first three days or so were beautiful, and we actually did make it to the zoo. And then it rained. And the temperature dropped. And we decided mid-week that, rather than relax for the rest of our staycation, we should use our remaining four days to tackle a ginormous house project complete with a respirator mask, a 16 foot diy outdoor sectional, and 12,000 trips to the hardware store. 

Totally legit. 

Here's a before shot of our screened-in porch. It's a perfect example of our home: huge with tons of potential, but a seriously hot mess to begin with.

Here's Justin, taping off where the furniture will eventually go and marking where the built-in bench supports should be installed. I believe the words "This is gonna be easy" actually came out of his mouth. That should have been our first clue. 

Side note: See how he's lining up the supports with the posts that run up to the ceiling? See the quiet wisdom in his eyes and the subtle confidence in his demeanor? It's because he thinks those are the studs. They are not. It took him over an hour to install the supports and the bench boards, sit on one of the boards, quickly discover it was supported by nothing, remove everything and start all over after finding the actual studs. Buggy Boy and I felt terrible about the whole thing while we ate Goldfish crackers and watched from the living room. Then we took a nap. It was exhausting.

In case you're wondering, yes, that is in fact carpet in our sun porch. Because apparently the people who built our house believed carpet belongs anywhere there is liquid, dirt, food, or bodily fluids. 

Can I just say on the record that outdoor carpet is a bad idea?

Thirty eight years of rain, snow, kids and dogs + a bum door that won't stay closed = a thick layer of mold, dirt and leaves. 

Just say no, people. 

(Hands off, ladies. He's all mine.)

 And here we are today:

Right now, it mostly looks like a construction zone. But, we finally got rid of that nasty carpet, and it instantly looked better. Justin already built a dining table and a bench that runs along the entire perimeter of the porch, and he's in the process of building a diy sectional. 

I know what you're thinking, but don't worry. This is a team effort, and I'm helping, too. I designed the sectional based on some cushions I found on sale. Then I waited too long to order them, the sale ended, and I ordered different ones that no longer fit the sectional. If you look closely, you can see where Justin had to build an addition to both sides of the sectional to accommodate the larger cushions. It took him an entire day. See? Teamwork.

Please also note the cracked foundation, which runs right down the center of the entire porch. We checked, and it would cost thousands of dollars to have it fixed. The porch is a separate slab from the house foundation, so it isn't structural. We've decided to live with it for now, but it's made building a gigantic wooden sectional in place super exciting and challenging (Read: we've considered burning the whole thing down on more than one occasion.) 

We still have lots of work to do, including having the entire house (porch included) stained a weathered gray color. I can't wait to see the finished product!

That's all for now, but I'll be posting updates as they come. Stay tuned!

Shedding Some Winter Weight: A DIY Media Console

I wish I could tell you I have a good excuse for my month long absence, but I don't. What can I say? Funds dried up. There was a blizzard. It's Girl Scout cookie season. I got busy.

The doldrums of winter took hold, and it was all I could do not to get swallowed up by my couch cushions while watching (and rewatching) DVRed episodes of Paw Patrol and hiding behind kitchen cabinets to sneak handfuls of thin mints while no one was looking.

BUT, the warmer weather has arrived (please dear lord, let it be here to stay!) and it's finally time to start tackling some projects around the house.

We've got several projects in the works now that we don't have to don snowshoes and a parka just to walk out to the barn, but today I'm showing off a (relatively) quick and easy piece we knocked out this past weekend.

As you can see, our living room media console left quite a bit to be desired. It was a mid-century modern dresser I picked up for a song when I was a thousand months pregnant with Buggy Boy and generally pretty miserable looking. I think the previous owner took pity on me. 

It has good bones, and I generally like it, but it was failed project from the beginning. It's always been too big and dark for this spot. Because it functioned well enough, I never got around to doing anything with it. It has always really bothered me, though. 

So on Saturday morning, when the clouds parted and I could actually set foot outside without fear of frostbite for the first time in months, I decided it was time Justin we did something about it.

Justin built the base using extra plywood and quarter round trim we had lying around and a few sheets of punched tin and furniture feet from the hardware store. Then he added an extra sheet of furniture grade plywood donated by my dad as the top. 

He painted the entire base in a white semi-gloss and stained the top with a walnut stain we had leftover from another project. 

Except for the tin, which turned out to be much pricier than I anticipated (oops!), it was practically free.

 

I filled in the shelves with some miscellaneous goodies from my hoard stash in the basement, and added a few fun new finds from my favorite garden/antique store combo. If there's anything better than a garden store that sells antiques, I don't know what it is. A garden/antique/wine shop, perhaps? I digress...

I love this so much more than our old, bulky console. This is much lighter and airier, and its casual style and compact size suit our space so much better than the old dresser.

Out with the old, in with the new. Hello spring!